she smelled like adventure
and tasted like desire
her mind was fearless
and her soul on fire
–
kristin l. cook
Category: Uncategorized
Hey baby, I love you, and baby, I need you
you’re in my dreams,
i see you there, but i don’t know you.
you’re in my fantasy,
every thought, every wish
you’re in my head,
i can feel you, and i can feel your warmth
you’re on my lips,
like the taste of honey, floral and sweet
you’re in my heart,
like the smell of pine on a summer Mendocino drive
you’re my shoulder,
not to cry on, but to hold on to, strong and firm
you’re my sweet escape,
every morning, day, and night
you’re my mystery
that captivates and soothes my soul
–
kristin l. cook
An Open Letter To The One Who Couldn’t Love Me…
I can remember the way I looked at you, we were two kids inseparable from the start. We had dreams to grow, goals to share, and a life to build, nothing could tear us apart. It’s been so long, it’s hard to hear your voice. Your laugh though, your laugh is instilled in my memory. When I close my eyes I can feel it all rushing back. Your smile, your touch, your dance moves, the way you lips pressed against mine, they way we held on for so long until one night of sorrow.
I remember getting off work and going to the gym and coming home. I watched you sit at the table distant and alone. Your parents greeted me as I walked in, but you stay cold and never said a word. We celebrated our eight year anniversary just a week prior, so I didn’t think there was much trouble to worry about. You proved me wrong only hours later. John Anderson sings “A woman knows” and it’s one of the many songs that I relate to the most when I think about that night and the weeks to follow.
I’m not sure I ever told you, but after our court date and the judge declared everything final. I got in my truck and was heading to the church and George Strait’s, “Today my world slipped away” came on the radio. If you’re unfamiliar with the song, the first couple verses go like this:
We made it final today.
I gave you all I had, you made your getaway.
All the love we once made turned to memories today.
I left the courtroom and went straight to the church.
I hit my knees and told God how much I hurt.
Nothin’ left of my heart;
It’s gonna be so hard to make a new start.
You know I cried, but I also laughed at the irony. It’s always been important to me to find humor in inappropriate places.
The problems I faced were wanting to feel anger, wanting you to hurt, wanting to want you to suffer, the way I did. The way I fought for sanity and comfort. The way I faced humility and shame. The way I boldly had to retrieve my life again, and the way I had to overcome someone taking my place.
The more I think this is what I want for you, the more I realize it’s not. It’s how I know love was real for me, to love a soul as much as I love my own. The truth is, I’ll always love you, and I’ll always love our memory, but I’ll never be in love with you again.
They say we learn the most about love from people who never really did. This is not to fault you, I require a love that you were incapable of giving to me and I loved you with every ounce that I could – and probably more.
So thank you. Thank you for the good times, the great times, the first times, and most of all, thank you for the bad times – it’s where I truly learned the most about myself.
Sincerely,
Kristin L. Cook
Saving Grace
He blinded me
so I could learn new senses
He broke me
so I could drop my pride
He confused me
so I could open my mind
He made me numb
so I could understand my emotions
He saved me
and it’s called love
–
Kristin L. Cook
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 5 Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. 6 Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. 7 Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits.
Right Eyed Tears
For all of the girls that are too strong to cry and can bear the weight of the world on your shoulders without showing any kind of struggle. Just know that this one is for you.
Look at these old photographs,
the memories of you just flood right back,
it’s like it was yesterday,
but our love faded away.
We were like a fairytale,
when we kissed under my veil,
it’s bittersweet that a love like ours had to go stale.
Loving you was easy,
falling for you was sweet,
crying over you was dreadful,
and getting over you was free.
Tears remind us we’re alive,
even the strong have to fight to survive.
Humility is humble and grace is pure,
our love was real, this I’m sure.
You’ve moved on,
and I found myself,
I’ll never know why,
our love had to die,
but trust me, I’m good with your goodbye.
From time to time,
I like to visit our prime,
Not because I want it back,
but because it’s ok to remember my past.
I’ve learned to look at where you’re headed,
to think about how far you’ve come,
and march to the beat of your own drum.
If the heartache can make you smile,
and the pain can make you laugh,
just be patient, you’ll find your true other half.
Because a person who can endure pain,
and still remain sane,
who can look beyond the horizons,
and know this isn’t where it ends,
that’s a person who wears scars like trophies’,
and doesn’t care who see’s.
You become a person with wisdom,
and realize you’re not a victim,
love got you in and love got you out,
forgiveness is only for you, without a doubt.
–
Kristin Cook
The Mason’s 5/21/2016
You know, Alex and Lexie have something special.
Lexie gets irritated and becomes the little ball of fire that we all know her as, and well Alex, he just laughs.
For those of you who don’t know, I recruited Lexie to work with me last year at a Rackley Company BBQ, where I also officially met Alex. Since then, I’ve gotten to know Lexie as a professional and as a friend.She has a firm belief in right and wrong, she’s smart, beautiful and has wonderful character. I believe these are some of the qualities that Alex finds most attractive about her.
Well through this time of getting to know Lexie, their little family has grown and she’s collected one horse and one more puppy, and I can only imagine what Alex had to listen to, so she could bring those animals home. Alex has to be one of the most patient and kind-hearted people that I’ve ever met, because when Lexie sets her mind to something, she’s two feet in and there’s no turning back. She’s stubborn and hard-headed and somehow Alex has a way of calming her storms. He’s her rock and her soft place to fall when she’s ever doubting herself.
So if I could offer any advice to the newlyweds, it would be to soak in all of the elements that today has to offer. Think about what you see, what you smell, how you feel, and hold on to that memory as close to your heart as you can get. Alex, look at your bride so intensely and so intimately, that she can hear you say I love you without a sound and remember that she is graciously taking your name and there is no greater compliment that a wife could give to her husband. Lexie, show Alex how much you love him and tell him as often as you can. Always remember what an honor it is to be his wife and that he chose you to wear his name.
I’m excited to see what the future has in store for you two. Congratulations!
You’ve Got A Friend In Me
A poem written for my friends – I’ll be there for you.
Surrounded by love,
Surrounded by people,
But in her thoughts she’s feeble
She escapes the day,
and drinks at night
She can’t fight the lonely,
so she stays in sight
It’s hard to find hope in others
when they leave with no goodbyes,
no words at all,
just unanswered questions that make her fall
Her tears don’t fall on his shoulders
they fall on mine
She’s strong and pretty,
she knows this is true
One day a man will stay,
and he’ll confide in you
–
Kristin L. Cook
Ghost of Goodbye by Ford Turrell
(the harmonica solo at this end is righteous)
Life is Simple; Just Add Water
I love watching my grandma light up when she tells stories about her and my grandpa. She told me about how they rode from Texas to California on a motorcycle and how my grandpa sang at the Lucky Lady in Paskenta, CA in a band called the “Nelson Gold.” So Grandma, I love you and this one’s for you!
It’s nostalgic and sweet,
It twists and it turns,
it changes,
it stays the same,
and it’s where love grows
It’s where Grandpa takes Grandma,
to write his music,
to play his songs,
and to be by him,
the closest thing to perfect,
that’s ever been
It’s where she sits on the blanket,
by his notebook and pen,
as he sings Willie Nelson’s,
Always on my mind, again
He puts his arms around her,
he holds her close,
her heart flutters,
her stomach turns,
and in that moment,
her love is what he’s earned
She closes her eyes,
and one tear falls,
he’s still with her,
he’s still with us all,
She thinks about him often,
she smiles about their life,
she wonders why he can’t be here,
and how happy she was to be his wife
As she reminisces about him,
she realizes that…
At the river, memories are made,
and at the river, time fades,
and at the river, old becomes new,
and at the river, is where they say,
I love you
–
Kristin Cook
The Wind Keeps Blowing You Through My Mind
I dedicate this poem to a wonderful woman who taught me how bittersweet life can be. She showed the world how strong she was, by fighting all the way to the end. She leaves behind a community of loved ones, who will cherish her memory and hold her close to their hearts. You will always be with us, maybe closer now than ever before.
Loving is easy when I think about you,
Reminiscing of all the good times we’ve been through.
The way you laughed, the way you cursed,
How your bird learned to speak the worst.
You always brought a smile to our face,
You did it with such joy and such grace
We are happy when you come to mind,
Remembering now, how we have such little time.
We’ll cry. You know that’s true,
We lost a radiant soul, we lost you.
Your life was grand, your life was blue,
You raised your own, you raised a few,
The bus rides were strict when they were with you,
We knew our limits, we couldn’t push through.
The time now is hard without you here,
We enjoyed so much when you were near.
Watch over us as we grieve,
Our memories together are wonderful, we just didn’t want you to leave.
Promise us you’ll visit often,
We pray one day the pain will soften.
Our sorrows will drift, our struggles will divide,
Just as the moon pulls the tide,
In our hearts you’ll be by our side.
The tears that fall are like wind to the chimes,
We’re here to celebrate your life and we’re here to have good times.
As we all mourn together, I raise my glass to you and all your endeavors.
We love you Becky Trimm,
At the gates of heaven we’ll meet again.
-Kristin Cook
We don’t lose. We either Win or Learn.
Have you ever sat aside time to just sort out your thoughts or reflect on your character? Are you happy with who you are or are you still trying to figure that out? I read once that you can search your soul for a lifetime and never really know.
Time is a continuum and change is inevitable. I’m not sure if I read that somewhere or if I made it up. I found this sentence exposes more truth if you can wrap your mind around it. It’s funny when people say, “you’ve changed.” The reason they think this is because they only knew you for a slice of your life and since time is continuum they hold you accountable to the memory they’ve stored of you.
If nothing ever changed, we’d have no butterflies…
I took some time to search through my thoughts, reflect on my 2015, and set some clear plans for 2016. I thoroughly enjoyed my year! It was scary, it was fun, it was exciting, it was everything I decided it to be. I made a ton of new friends, I became more outgoing, and I’m more open minded. When I think about the trials that I faced and had to overcome, I’m in awe that I was strong enough to survive – rather conquer.
Have you ever noticed the restrictions you put on your life and the courage it takes to tear down those walls? It’s silly to live this way, but I’m going to count these little walls as wins. I learned that I’m capable of driving my truck in the city – on a multiple-lane highway and I learned that I can drive in the snow. See.. silly, but until this year I didn’t think I was capable of these things.
So I’ve established five dominant concepts that helped sustain my year:
- I learned how to smile again. In fact I learned that I’m capable of all different kinds! The shy smile, the creepy smile, the flirtatious smile, the laughing so hard you almost pee your pants smile and of course, the genuine smile.
I’ve mastered them all!
Tip: Add a wink for effect… (Any moment can use a wink, even if it seems like inappropriate timing)
- I learned that dating is hard – especially when you’ve been out of the “game” for roughly eight years. The style is so different now. My first actual date this year was amazing. Although he didn’t fancy me, he let me down so eloquently that I still think about his grace and gentleman-like manners.
I had a wonderful date with a man that lives a little too far away for us to pursue a relationship, but I’ll always call him my friend.. We stumbled on an acre of roses, then smelled them all.Of course I wasn’t thankful for all of the dates that I went on and I have to say that I’m reluctant to go on any more for that matter. I’ve definitely experienced some odd encounters too.
I mean, I did have Tinder… enough said.
Conversations escalate so quickly! We were talking about Japan… - In 2015 I learned that, you can always find a dollar. February was such a financial struggle and it was so stressful. Since then, I learned how to budget one income, make all of my payments on time, and live how I want to. It’s small successes like making your payments that keep you motivated. Don’t get me wrong, I did all of this before too, but now I’m doing it on my own. Life has so much to celebrate!
- Nature reveals my soul! There is so much beauty when you stop living life so fast; Slow down, hike, swim, walk. Open your eyes as if you’re able to see for the first time. I look around now and see all the different colors on the mountain tops, when a shadow falls on a mountain range at sunset. It takes your breath away. Or when you look up and see the clouds rippling over the moon. When you start seeing through new eyes, you embrace and enhance your other senses, you smell the fresh air and you feel the wind on your lips as you kiss the day away.
- Dreaming means setting new goals. I dream and plan and plan and dream. I’m beginning to live out my ambitions and I’m motivated to make my dreams a reality. I really feel like there is nothing that I can’t do and there nothing that I can’t overcome. I used to imagine myself being the girl that could sing karaoke if she were drunk and just not having a care in the world who watches or listens.
…Now I am that girl! I’m that sober girl singing to a bar and bringing her date to listen. I can’t sound that bad, if we still talk… hahaha.
To wrap up 2015 – I was hurt real bad, in a real good way.
What does 2016 have to offer?
Anything and Everything I want!
Just to name a few plans:
- I plan to explore! Explore new places, new thoughts and new strengths. This could be with friends or flying solo, either way, it’s an adventure!
- I plan to be curious. This is the year that I learn about new cultures, new creativity, and new gains (in the gym). I’ll question all motives, all reasons and all whys.
- I plan to help. Whether that’s physically helping, offering advice, offering motivation or offering collaboration. I’ll put my best foot forward.
- I plan to love – all of my experiences! Good and Bad. I must be sick, if I’m kind of looking forward to learning from my bad experiences.
- I plan to be present. My phone will still be beside me, but I’m going to start living for the moment with the person or place in front of me.
I strongly believe in saying what you mean, so I’m going to do my best to uphold myself to the plans that I’ve set. Hopefully you feel inspired to write down your plans for the New Year too. If you do, I’d love hear them!
A few less thought out plans, but always considered.
- Become debt free or at least closer
- Make healthier choices, burn fat and gain muscle
- Make my bed everyday
- Learn how to bend notes on my harmonica
- To be continued… 😉
