Finding My Cornerstone

Finding My Cornerstone

Is it disappointment or dismay?
Have my emotions turned grey?
I hear you talking behind my back
But I act like an amnesiac.
I carry a social demand,
that many can’t withstand.
They say the hardest walks 
are the paths stepped alone
But don’t worry about me,
I’ll be at my cornerstone. 
I’m building a foundation, 
there is no time for toleration. 
You look at me,
call me crazy,
call me mad, 
Busco el amor en amistad

– kristin l. cook

 

cor·ner·stone
ˈkôrnərˌstōn/
The cornerstone (or foundation stone) concept is derived from the first stone set in the construction of a masonry foundation, important since all other stones will be set in reference to this stone, thus determining the position of the entire structure.

Busco el amor en amistad means “finding love in friendship”

Young Love

I stumble on my voice
and trip on my words
your name escapes my mouth
and my tongue carries dried spit. Sweat falls from my brow
and my palms become wet because only you can manipulate my body, soul and mind. Leaving me breathless and awake
As my heart thirsts for your smile.

– kristin l. cook

The Cowgirl Rides Away

We look up at night
Because it’s your light
That shines upon the moon
A beautiful life that ended too soon

So much of us
Is so much of you
You taught us to be strong
Without you here feels so wrong

You have some big shoes to fill
If only time could stand still
When you were close
When you were near
Not having you here
Is what we fear

Just come back to us
Let us know you haven’t left
That your spirit will not leave
Words come so hard in moments like these

Please visit us from time to time
In our hearts and in our minds

We’ll celebrate your life
We’ll remember your laugh
We’ll see you in our memory
Just like a photograph

I wish we didn’t have to feel pain
Losing you makes us go insane
There has to be a reason
We trust in God this season
I’ll get down on my knees
And pray that we find ease

kristin l. cook

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The Good Die Young

The Good Die Young

You know that phone call you get early in the morning that you never want to answer but would never not answer it? Because on the other end of the call a baby is being born, or someone got stuck in the mud and needs pulled out, or the nightmare, a loved one has taken their last breath.

News Article: Fatal Crash In Glenn County  November 18, 2016

Monica, you were often misunderstood. We can’t deny that some of the decisions you made were reckless and mad, but I wouldn’t change the way you were predictably unpredictable. You had this way about you that made me feel scared of you, yet stole and consumed my heart. You were my role model, my protector, my secret keeper, my motivation, and most of all you were my oldest sister and I love you.
monica3

I remember you being my best friend when I was little. We listened to Trisha Yearwood, Shania Twain and Garth Brooks on repeat together. You would take turns on two wheels because I said it was fun. You taught me how to ride horses, and one time we even got bucked off the same one. You took the hit on your shoulder and I went into the saddle horn. I think we both fell after that, I know I did. After that you always told me “If you get bucked off, you get back in the saddle.” When you went away I didn’t understand why you had to leave, I was too little. My friends knew and people talked, but I always just thought I love you, you’re my sister and I knew you would never hurt me, although I would never tempt you. I’m sorry I didn’t visit you when I was older in High School. When you got out August 23rd, 2012 I was overjoyed and nervous. You were beautiful and full of life. My sister was home.

 

monicagarth
We didn’t always get along though, we were similarly stubborn. I’m gonna miss you, like I already do. I’m gonna miss sharing our lifting stories and our progress. I’m gonna miss your smile and obnoxious laugh. I’m gonna miss your eggs for breakfast and the best spaghetti I ever tasted. I’m gonna miss the way you protected me without lifting a finger. You were there for me through my divorce, you taught me that violence wasn’t always the answer – you also backed that with, “Just say the word Kristin, you know I know people.” That made me laugh, because we would never risk you going away again.

You made me and Kappy promise to never do drugs, because drugs were the gateway for you. I know it’s too late to confess now, but I tried to smoke some weed last year and failed – To ease everyone’s mind, I won’t be trying to try it again. Monica, you always looked out for us even when you weren’t here. You told us to listen to “I’m already there” by Lonestar whenever we missed you. So of course after getting the phone call this morning, I went directly to that song.

I look at Dacoda and she’s just like you. She’s beautiful, stubborn, hard headed, but she has a heart of gold just like you. When she was growing up, some of the things she would say were as if they came from your mouth. The similarities were uncanny and they happen all of the time.

We’re really going to miss you is an understatement. I don’t understand how life could be so unfair. I feel like we’ve spent our entire lives wishing you were here. This time you didn’t do anything wrong, the car hit you! It crossed the median and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. This time though, we don’t get you back.

monica2

I wonder why you were chosen? What was God saving you from? What was he saving us from? Maybe it doesn’t matter. We’ll meet again Monica, thank you for keeping us safe. We have another angel in heaven.

Even though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back, I know You are near
– Jeremy Camp

We’ll see each other again Monica, thank you for keeping us safe.
We have another angel in heaven. Rest In Peace, we love you.

 

Thoughts of a Fool

I built these walls
To protect my heart
I got trapped inside
I thought it was smart
If I can’t feel, I can heal
A cold, lonely path
A victim of defensive wrath
I’ll push you away and beg you stay
Aware of my weakness
And profound in my strength
Scared of the courage it takes
To risk the heartaches
I’ve suffered through pain
The memory makes me go insane
Why does it hurt so bad?
Love shouldn’t drive you mad
All I’m losing is time
And I thought I was in my prime
Clueless about life
Confused about love
Emotionless thereof

– kristin l. cook