The Cowgirl Rides Away

We look up at night
Because it’s your light
That shines upon the moon
A beautiful life that ended too soon

So much of us
Is so much of you
You taught us to be strong
Without you here feels so wrong

You have some big shoes to fill
If only time could stand still
When you were close
When you were near
Not having you here
Is what we fear

Just come back to us
Let us know you haven’t left
That your spirit will not leave
Words come so hard in moments like these

Please visit us from time to time
In our hearts and in our minds

We’ll celebrate your life
We’ll remember your laugh
We’ll see you in our memory
Just like a photograph

I wish we didn’t have to feel pain
Losing you makes us go insane
There has to be a reason
We trust in God this season
I’ll get down on my knees
And pray that we find ease

kristin l. cook

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The Good Die Young

The Good Die Young

You know that phone call you get early in the morning that you never want to answer but would never not answer it? Because on the other end of the call a baby is being born, or someone got stuck in the mud and needs pulled out, or the nightmare, a loved one has taken their last breath.

News Article: Fatal Crash In Glenn County  November 18, 2016

Monica, you were often misunderstood. We can’t deny that some of the decisions you made were reckless and mad, but I wouldn’t change the way you were predictably unpredictable. You had this way about you that made me feel scared of you, yet stole and consumed my heart. You were my role model, my protector, my secret keeper, my motivation, and most of all you were my oldest sister and I love you.
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I remember you being my best friend when I was little. We listened to Trisha Yearwood, Shania Twain and Garth Brooks on repeat together. You would take turns on two wheels because I said it was fun. You taught me how to ride horses, and one time we even got bucked off the same one. You took the hit on your shoulder and I went into the saddle horn. I think we both fell after that, I know I did. After that you always told me “If you get bucked off, you get back in the saddle.” When you went away I didn’t understand why you had to leave, I was too little. My friends knew and people talked, but I always just thought I love you, you’re my sister and I knew you would never hurt me, although I would never tempt you. I’m sorry I didn’t visit you when I was older in High School. When you got out August 23rd, 2012 I was overjoyed and nervous. You were beautiful and full of life. My sister was home.

 

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We didn’t always get along though, we were similarly stubborn. I’m gonna miss you, like I already do. I’m gonna miss sharing our lifting stories and our progress. I’m gonna miss your smile and obnoxious laugh. I’m gonna miss your eggs for breakfast and the best spaghetti I ever tasted. I’m gonna miss the way you protected me without lifting a finger. You were there for me through my divorce, you taught me that violence wasn’t always the answer – you also backed that with, “Just say the word Kristin, you know I know people.” That made me laugh, because we would never risk you going away again.

You made me and Kappy promise to never do drugs, because drugs were the gateway for you. I know it’s too late to confess now, but I tried to smoke some weed last year and failed – To ease everyone’s mind, I won’t be trying to try it again. Monica, you always looked out for us even when you weren’t here. You told us to listen to “I’m already there” by Lonestar whenever we missed you. So of course after getting the phone call this morning, I went directly to that song.

I look at Dacoda and she’s just like you. She’s beautiful, stubborn, hard headed, but she has a heart of gold just like you. When she was growing up, some of the things she would say were as if they came from your mouth. The similarities were uncanny and they happen all of the time.

We’re really going to miss you is an understatement. I don’t understand how life could be so unfair. I feel like we’ve spent our entire lives wishing you were here. This time you didn’t do anything wrong, the car hit you! It crossed the median and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. This time though, we don’t get you back.

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I wonder why you were chosen? What was God saving you from? What was he saving us from? Maybe it doesn’t matter. We’ll meet again Monica, thank you for keeping us safe. We have another angel in heaven.

Even though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back, I know You are near
– Jeremy Camp

We’ll see each other again Monica, thank you for keeping us safe.
We have another angel in heaven. Rest In Peace, we love you.

 

Thoughts of a Fool

I built these walls
To protect my heart
I got trapped inside
I thought it was smart
If I can’t feel, I can heal
A cold, lonely path
A victim of defensive wrath
I’ll push you away and beg you stay
Aware of my weakness
And profound in my strength
Scared of the courage it takes
To risk the heartaches
I’ve suffered through pain
The memory makes me go insane
Why does it hurt so bad?
Love shouldn’t drive you mad
All I’m losing is time
And I thought I was in my prime
Clueless about life
Confused about love
Emotionless thereof

– kristin l. cook

Nostalgic Perspective 

The sun peaks through the sky

Shadows cast down 

and time passes by

The red hills look purple and blue

I look at it and I only see you 

The lights in Vegas are bright

They remind me of the stars back home at night

Sin City never sleeps

But still I dream of you on repeat

As I fly above clouds where the air is thin 

The wind blows you through my mind again 


– kristin l. cook


The Chill Of Fall

The Chill Of Fall

For my new friend; Everything will be alright.

the chill of fall
means that time doesn’t stall
turn the page
fight the rage
cry at night
never lose sight
there’s beauty in change
it briefly feels strange
you are strong
love is never wrong
look around
leaves that were once green
are now yellow and brown
and even they fell gracefully to the ground


kristin l. cook

Wonderland

Your touch aroused me,

I thought you broke the mould.

But don’t think you’re  Midas,

Because I turned to gold.

I stand on my own feet,

A woman strong and bold.

I don’t need a king,

Just a gentle hand to hold.
– kristin l. cook

Blind, Confused, Clueless Love

Blind, Confused, Clueless Love

She was intense 
like a flame to a dry field
It spreads, it burns,
she demands your attention.

She was timeless,
like a wave crashing on the sand
fluently alive, raging furiously,
and manipulating your emotions.

That girl was beautiful,
a frequent imbalance of naughty or nice,
urging you to protect her or defend yourself,
begging you to walk then run,
– to her or away from her,
forcing you to decide.

She was magnetic,
She was gravity,
She was pressure,
She was force.

That girl is love.


kristin l. cook

Poison; They Call It Love

Poison; They Call It Love
Your memory is like a prison
I can’t run, I can’t sleep
Thoughts of you make it hard to eat

Your touch was like a drug
Just stick the needle in
while I pulse and shrug
leave, find that bar stool
I can’t unlove you
and I don’t want to
Besides, she wants to fuck you
The truth is I’d rather lie here
with this band tight on my arm
and this one day rush of harm
than forget that you left me,
you left your love,
as I come down
and you let me drown
kristin l. cook
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