You know that phone call you get early in the morning that you never want to answer but would never not answer it? Because on the other end of the call a baby is being born, or someone got stuck in the mud and needs pulled out, or the nightmare, a loved one has taken their last breath.
Monica, you were often misunderstood. We can’t deny that some of the decisions you made were reckless and mad, but I wouldn’t change the way you were predictably unpredictable. You had this way about you that made me feel scared of you, yet stole and consumed my heart. You were my role model, my protector, my secret keeper, my motivation, and most of all you were my oldest sister and I love you.
I remember you being my best friend when I was little. We listened to Trisha Yearwood, Shania Twain and Garth Brooks on repeat together. You would take turns on two wheels because I said it was fun. You taught me how to ride horses, and one time we even got bucked off the same one. You took the hit on your shoulder and I went into the saddle horn. I think we both fell after that, I know I did. After that you always told me “If you get bucked off, you get back in the saddle.” When you went away I didn’t understand why you had to leave, I was too little. My friends knew and people talked, but I always just thought I love you, you’re my sister and I knew you would never hurt me, although I would never tempt you. I’m sorry I didn’t visit you when I was older in High School. When you got out August 23rd, 2012 I was overjoyed and nervous. You were beautiful and full of life. My sister was home.
We didn’t always get along though, we were similarly stubborn. I’m gonna miss you, like I already do. I’m gonna miss sharing our lifting stories and our progress. I’m gonna miss your smile and obnoxious laugh. I’m gonna miss your eggs for breakfast and the best spaghetti I ever tasted. I’m gonna miss the way you protected me without lifting a finger. You were there for me through my divorce, you taught me that violence wasn’t always the answer – you also backed that with, “Just say the word Kristin, you know I know people.” That made me laugh, because we would never risk you going away again.
You made me and Kappy promise to never do drugs, because drugs were the gateway for you. I know it’s too late to confess now, but I tried to smoke some weed last year and failed – To ease everyone’s mind, I won’t be trying to try it again. Monica, you always looked out for us even when you weren’t here. You told us to listen to “I’m already there” by Lonestar whenever we missed you. So of course after getting the phone call this morning, I went directly to that song.
I look at Dacoda and she’s just like you. She’s beautiful, stubborn, hard headed, but she has a heart of gold just like you. When she was growing up, some of the things she would say were as if they came from your mouth. The similarities were uncanny and they happen all of the time.
We’re really going to miss you is an understatement. I don’t understand how life could be so unfair. I feel like we’ve spent our entire lives wishing you were here. This time you didn’t do anything wrong, the car hit you! It crossed the median and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. This time though, we don’t get you back.
I wonder why you were chosen? What was God saving you from? What was he saving us from? Maybe it doesn’t matter. We’ll meet again Monica, thank you for keeping us safe. We have another angel in heaven.
Even though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back, I know You are near
– Jeremy Camp
We’ll see each other again Monica, thank you for keeping us safe.
We have another angel in heaven. Rest In Peace, we love you.