Another night, Another heartache
Another stranger, A different bed
It’s just a phase
It’s how it goes nowadays
A physical connection
Don’t open up; deflection
Just hope he can keep an erection
Leave before sunrise
Wear windblown hair as a disguise
Another day, They’re all the same
It’s just a game, Nothing new
When all I think about is you
Have you ever sat aside time to just sort out your thoughts or reflect on your character? Are you happy with who you are or are you still trying to figure that out? I read once that you can search your soul for a lifetime and never really know.
Time is a continuum and change is inevitable. I’m not sure if I read that somewhere or if I made it up. I found this sentence exposes more truth if you can wrap your mind around it. It’s funny when people say, “you’ve changed.” The reason they think this is because they only knew you for a slice of your life and since time is continuum they hold you accountable to the memory they’ve stored of you.
If nothing ever changed, we’d have no butterflies…
I took some time to search through my thoughts, reflect on my 2015, and set some clear plans for 2016. I thoroughly enjoyed my year! It was scary, it was fun, it was exciting, it was everything I decided it to be. I made a ton of new friends, I became more outgoing, and I’m more open minded. When I think about the trials that I faced and had to overcome, I’m in awe that I was strong enough to survive – rather conquer.
Have you ever noticed the restrictions you put on your life and the courage it takes to tear down those walls? It’s silly to live this way, but I’m going to count these little walls as wins. I learned that I’m capable of driving my truck in the city – on a multiple-lane highway and I learned that I can drive in the snow. See.. silly, but until this year I didn’t think I was capable of these things.
So I’ve established five dominant concepts that helped sustain my year:
I learned how to smile again. In fact I learned that I’m capable of all different kinds! The shy smile, the creepy smile, the flirtatious smile, the laughing so hard you almost pee your pants smile and of course, the genuine smile.
I’ve mastered them all! Tip: Add a wink for effect… (Any moment can use a wink, even if it seems like inappropriate timing)
I learned that dating is hard – especially when you’ve been out of the “game” for roughly eight years. The style is so different now. My first actual date this year was amazing. Although he didn’t fancy me, he let me down so eloquently that I still think about his grace and gentleman-like manners.
I had a wonderful date with a man that lives a little too far away for us to pursue a relationship, but I’ll always call him my friend.. We stumbled on an acre of roses, then smelled them all.
Of course I wasn’t thankful for all of the dates that I went on and I have to say that I’m reluctant to go on any more for that matter. I’ve definitely experienced some odd encounters too.
I mean, I did have Tinder… enough said.
In 2015 I learned that, you can always find a dollar. February was such a financial struggle and it was so stressful. Since then, I learned how to budget one income, make all of my payments on time, and live how I want to. It’s small successes like making your payments that keep you motivated. Don’t get me wrong, I did all of this before too, but now I’m doing it on my own. Life has so much to celebrate!
Nature reveals my soul! There is so much beauty when you stop living life so fast; Slow down, hike, swim, walk. Open your eyes as if you’re able to see for the first time. I look around now and see all the different colors on the mountain tops, when a shadow falls on a mountain range at sunset. It takes your breath away. Or when you look up and see the clouds rippling over the moon. When you start seeing through new eyes, you embrace and enhance your other senses, you smell the fresh air and you feel the wind on your lips as you kiss the day away.
Dreaming means setting new goals. I dream and plan and plan and dream. I’m beginning to live out my ambitions and I’m motivated to make my dreams a reality. I really feel like there is nothing that I can’t do and there nothing that I can’t overcome. I used to imagine myself being the girl that could sing karaoke if she were drunk and just not having a care in the world who watches or listens.
…Now I am that girl! I’m that sober girl singing to a bar and bringing her date to listen. I can’t sound that bad, if we still talk… hahaha.
To wrap up 2015 – I was hurt real bad, in a real good way.
What does 2016 have to offer?
Anything and Everything I want!
Just to name a few plans:
I plan to explore! Explore new places, new thoughts and new strengths. This could be with friends or flying solo, either way, it’s an adventure!
I plan to be curious. This is the year that I learn about new cultures, new creativity, and new gains (in the gym). I’ll question all motives, all reasons and all whys.
I plan to help. Whether that’s physically helping, offering advice, offering motivation or offering collaboration. I’ll put my best foot forward.
I plan to love – all of my experiences! Good and Bad. I must be sick, if I’m kind of looking forward to learning from my bad experiences.
I plan to be present. My phone will still be beside me, but I’m going to start living for the moment with the person or place in front of me.
I strongly believe in saying what you mean, so I’m going to do my best to uphold myself to the plans that I’ve set. Hopefully you feel inspired to write down your plans for the New Year too. If you do, I’d love hear them!
A few less thought out plans, but always considered.